Duet
part of what’s beautiful about being on the road is the spontaneity of tapping into an ephemeral chain of thoughts that, when i sit with it later, subtly points to the tilt of my life in that moment.
i vividly recall how i visualized a half-cowboy life on a catamaran when golf-carting the island of vieques just days before flicking that tassel; the wildness was probably over-compensating for a tense college finale but also transpired from my purest longing for the future. i still remember the montage of lowlights, lol, that surfaced when parting ways with the boys at the station; it was like treasure, finally reliving that camaraderie built over the hardwood.
this time around hit a bit different. my mind wasn’t wandering around stitching stray signals. Neither was it going through the usual phases of unplugging and unwinding when boarding an aircraft. i was in a serene state of mind. the air felt velvety, abundant, warm. i felt closer to her.
just as i thought that off-switch for thinking wouldn’t hold, since i couldn’t help but start picking up on those trips to see her, i realized i was actually feeling them. i felt my heartbeats on that train-hall elevator looking for her among the crowd. i felt the joy on the bridge, at the edge, in the tunnel, atop the roof, sharing with her the most transcendent of views. i felt the chrome hearts on the sober streets singing in a new key. there i felt heat emanating from within. it was my gentle rebellion, softening the edges of everything.
a couple nights later on the flight back, i kept picturing pier 4 boulevard. when i tumbled out of the cab with my camper, pannier and duffle bags, she laughed and said i really am a backpacker. well, up till this point i’ve been backpacking quite a lot, searching for who i am and where i belong. i don’t know what’s ahead, but i do know what i want: a life distilled enough to carry, abundant enough to share.
i smiled—it’s hard not to with her. watching her glide us toward dinner, the thought landed quiet and simple: it feels really good sharing the road with you.